I may not be the best
Writer, but I’m working on it.
Speaker, I’m shy, but I’ll still continue to get my point across.
Non-procrastinator, it’s a day by day process.
Speller, but seriously who is?
Drawer, stick figures are my thing.
Singer, my voice is beautiful to me.
Person that can remember everything because I have a lot on my mind.
Only someone who can truly accept their flaws will be able to see the big picture. Just because you’re not the best at something doesn’t make you a failure….it makes you human.
So I’m turning twenty on May 18, I don’t know how I feel about that. I’m kind of in denial because I will no longer be in the “teens” no more. Even though I legally became an adult when I was eighteen it just feel so real right now because I’m going to be twenty. I have one day left to be my nineteen year old self and I really just want to lay in bed, watch movies and sleep. I remember it like it was just yesterday when I turned sixteen, that when life just started going real fast for me and now I have been out of high school for almost two years, mostly all of my friend are getting married, having kids, going to college, switching their majors for the millionth time and some are dropping out because they realized that college just isn’t for them. Then there is me watching all this play out but I’m not mad because it’s my life and I can take my time when it comes to figuring out who I want to be , what I want to be and where I want to be just like everyone else. To be completely honest I am very happy to be starting this new chapter in my life and for real I never really feel any different when I turn a new age, I don’t feel it till I turn the next age and that why I am always in denial. Let’s go Twenties I’m ready for you.
I love my natural hair. I started my natural hair journey in October 2015 and man when I was in my transitioning phase it was so hard dealing with two textured hair. The root of my hair where the natural heathy hair was the length of 4 and a half to 5 inches long then. My unhealthy (relaxed) hair was the rest of the way down and it was about 5 inches and it was very stringy. When I would do twist outs it would be beautiful from the healthy part, but at the relaxed end it looked all thin and blah. I didn’t like it so after transitioning for five months I decided at 11 o’clock p.m. on February 6, 2016 that I would big chop my hair well, my momma did it for me and I love it. I only have to deal with one texture and that my heathy hair. Right now my hair is getting longer and I love to wear it in a fro and a curly fro braid and flat twist. My next hair adventure is so get box braid are crochet twist so I can have my hair in a style for a while so it will grow more. I really can’t wait till my hair grows past my shoulders because the bigger the hair the more they stare. Embracing my natural side is one of the best things that I could do because I never knew my hair could be like this, it gives me confident and it makes me feel like a different woman because no style is ever the same.
Have you ever had the feeling that you was being taking advantage of? I feel like that all the time, especially this last year. It’s really wrong to take someone kindness and completely push them over. I’ve been babysitting for a while now and at first it was great. The little girl that I watch she was so sweet, shy and respectful now she has totally changed. It’s like she comfortable now (there is nothing wrong with getting comfortable, but you still need to know who is the babysitter and who is the baby that is being sat) so she doesn’t listen to me and she throws these fits out of nowhere, like seriously these fits are so bad to the point where you just want to give her what she wants just so she would shut up. Something happen to me today with this little girl, after she got finished her breakfast, it was time for her to get her clothes on. She didn’t want to put her tights with her skirt that has no short under it, mind you it was cold outside. She kept whining and being annoying so I was like “You know what just put on whatever you want I really don’t care, but don’t complain to me when you get cold since I told you to put on your clothes” ,so she did and we got outside and she was cold , well look who was right as always ….Me!
I’m seriously over this job and I can’t wait till it over so I can get on with my life. To be a babysitter you have to be flexible and ready to drop everything your doing just to watch the child (some days I’m a part time babysitter and the other days I’m full time which is sometime overwhelming because at first I was part time since I was only doing this for a couple hours a day, but on the days that she got sick…“sick” I was full time even if I had something to do that day I had to cancel many thing because it was just out of the blue). This is the last time I will be babysitting. I’m proud of myself though because there was days I just wanted to say nope I’m not going, but I stuck it out. I wanted to do care.com, so the little girl that I babysit was going to be a trial run to see how I do, but if it anything like this hell no…nope…can’t do it… No sir. Don’t get me wrong I love kids and if I was to ever babysit again it would be my nieces or nephews or my grandchildren, but other people kids it’s just not for me I tried it and I’m not a fan.
The best feeling I had was last night when I looked on the calendar last night and I have 3 weeks left to babysit her ,unless they change the last date of school…again, plus I have my whole birthday week off Yaya Me!
It’s been raining for three days on and off and I love it. The sound of the rain fall is like untold music to my ears. I think clearly when it’s raining, it’s like when the rain is pouring so does my thoughts. Though it looks all gloomy and dark outside this is a perfect time to stay in bed all day and watch Netflix, maybe even read a book or just think about life. I think that’s what I could spent half of my day since I still have to work today ,but just an hour or two will do.
I read a quote by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow “The best thing one can do when it’s raining is to let it.” This is so true. What I got from this quote is that you can’t stop the rain. The rain is just something you have no control over just like life you can’t control things that you don’t have control over, so just go with the flow. As I was sitting here on these rainy days I’ve been thinking a lot about my life and there is just so much that need to be done and I know that it will get done if it was meant to be done, but I have no control over certain situations and I have to just see how it plays out. It kind of weird though because I am that person who I need to know “Who? What? Where? When? And Why?” I need to learn how to chill is what I need to do.